I was really nervous about what had to happen next. I had to confess my sin to the woman we had been bashing for about a month, and it had to be public because all of this had gone down in a group of people. Before that, though, I had to talk to the other two pot-stirrers.

I spoke with them separately. Neither of them knew I would be apologizing to the other for my part in the fiasco. That is, until they talked to each other. I also prayed that God would “tell” me something that I could do that would be “doing good” to them. He did, and I was terrified and humbled all at once. I think back on it and realize what a hard couple of weeks that was.

I learned something else during this part. NO ONE likes to call a spade a spade. “What? Oh, I understand. You shouldn’t feel so bad about it. What you said was true. I wasn’t offended.” I wish I had a picture of the face of a woman after she has just heard me say, “No, it is sin. It is wrong. God is offended. Don’t make excuses for me. Forgive me.” Can you guess what comes next? Flattery. “Oh, you’re so godly. Oh, I wish I were like you. I’ve been thinking the same thing. I’m sorry, too. Will you forgive me?” This has played out over and over again, no matter what I am apologizing for. The only people who don’t quibble with my apologies are my husband and my kids. They know when I’ve stepped out of line, and they know when I need to apologize, so they don’t give me a hassle about it. They just forgive and we get on with life.

Apologizing to the victim was more difficult. There were tears and questions and, finally, forgiveness and hugs. She knew something was up because she noticed I was treating her a little differently. My friend with the warning came to me with her hands out and eyes buggy. She whispered to me, “I told you she was trouble.” I am so thankful we are all still friends and keep in touch. As for the other two ladies, I have received cards and invitations and phone calls I have never returned. When I see them around town, I can chit-chat and be kind. I do not hold anything against them. However, I am wiser about our interaction.

I wish I could say that I have not struggled with gossip since. But that is not the case. Sometimes I come out the victor and sometimes I fail. I have had greater victory in this area when I’m in a group of women. I fail more when I’m with family sitting, around the table. About a year ago, I was talking to a friend (during a play-date) and we started talking about church and the pastor. I was in a leadership position at the time, so I felt like I had a “right” to share my thoughts. Wrong again. The difference in this case was that I apologized on the spot. The moment I felt convicted during the conversation, I stopped and said, “You know what, I shouldn’t have said that. That was wrong and I’m sorry. As much as I want to tell you what I think, I really don’t want to gossip.” She agreed and we changed the subject. She even went so far as to tell me she would not allow it to affect her feelings and she would never repeat it.

Discerning godly, edifying conversation is not rocket science. Some of the commenters for “The Diagnosis” shared that motives are important in knowing if our speech is good or evil. I wouldn’t disagree with that. I would add, though, that our hearts are deceitful. Only God can discern the motives of the heart. Sometimes it may be that we don’t realize our motives were not pure until the conviction of the Spirit comes later. Still, I can more readily recognize the devilish glee I feel when gossip starts. And, almost immediately, I feel sick and sorrowful over said glee.

How to fight it? Same as everything else in the Christian life…with faith. Faith that God’s word is true. Faith that says, “I want to dwell with God, therefore, I will keep my mouth shut and I will not listen to this garbage.” Faith that says, “Blessing and cursing ought not come from the same mouth. I cannot bless God with a mouth that gossips. Spirit, tame this tongue!” Faith that cries out for help to speak in such a way that it gives grace to those who hear. A faith that knows God hears prayers like this one:

O LORD, I call upon you; hasten to me! Give ear to my voice when I call to you! Let my prayer be counted as incense before you, and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice!

Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! Do not let my heart incline to any evil, to busy myself with wicked deeds in company with men (or women) who work iniquity, and let me not eat of their delicacies! (Recall Proverbs 18:8: The words of a gossip are like choice morsels, they go down to a man’s inmost parts.)

Let a righteous man strike me–it is a kindness; let him rebuke me–it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it. Yet my prayer is continually against their evil deeds. When their judges are thrown over the cliff, then they shall hear my words, for they are pleasant. As when one plows and breaks up the earth, so shall our bones be scattered at the mouth of Sheol.

But my eyes are toward you, O GOD, my Lord; in you I seek refuge; leave me not defenseless! Keep me from the trap that they have laid for me and from the snares of evildoers! Let the wicked fall into their own nets, while I pass by safely.

Psalm 141

I can think of one situation right now regarding a family member where I need to/must take my own advice. Perhaps writing this series of posts is my reminder/warning.

How do you fight?