What do you get when two people who think they know everything decide to raise children together?

Four kids who think they know everything.

Prime example: we’re leaving basketball practice tonight and the four year old declares that he knows where we parked the van. Then, the two year old decides she knows where we parked the van. They take off…in different directions. The parents, who really do know where the van is parked, chase the two small children while the two older kids are arguing about the events surrounding the last time Abbey wet her pants in the van. (I kid you not!)

And six people who think they know everything and live in the same house is…well, let’s just say there’s one futile discussion after another. At least one of us is going to have to admit that he/she doesn’t know everything.

I’ve got it on good authority that, “It isn’t wrong to act like you know everything if you really do know everything.” Therefore, the one who yields will not be (A-HEM) a he. I know this.

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I’ve written a great deal about gossip on this blog. This afternoon, I went to the salon for a haircut. I always enjoy it because I am fascinated by people. I love to watch people and listen to people and try to figure them out. In the salon, there are so many conversations going on about the same kinds of things–kids, family, other women, men, relationships. Women love to talk, as was reported just last week. We are accused of being gossips and talking too much. Well, something interesting has occurred to me over the last two weeks.

Men are never accused of being gossips. If anything, men are told that they need to talk more. However, I realized that men are just as bad about talking and talking and talking and speculating and spreading rumors as women are. The only difference is the topic of conversation.

Down here in Alabama, the University of Alabama is on the hunt for a head football coach. For two weeks now, the men around here have been doing nothing but talking, speculating, and spreading wild rumors all over the southeast. Paul Finebaum’s sports talk show is nothing but a man’s gossip hotline! For four straight hours men can listen to gossip and call in to add their gossip to the pot.

It’s not just radio and tv gossip. I’m sure that employers are experiencing a decrease in production from their employees right now. Karl and his co-workers sit around and discuss the latest. Emails are flying. Karl has even befriended an “insider” who can give him a scoop now and then. Lest you doubt what I’m saying is true, here’s another proof: our phone rings with calls specifically for Karl. This almost never happens. Other men are calling our house to speak to Karl, and they want to know what he knows. “What have you heard today? What do you think about this? Well, I heard this…No! Yes! I can’t believe it! Well, you know…” And this is the best part: sometimes he has to go to another room and shut the door! A sure sign of seriously juicy gossip! Just like a WOMAN!

So, ladies, if you want your man to talk to you, just change the subject to his favorite sport, coach or player scandal. Act interested and ask questions. Good luck getting him to stop.

Can I just add my two cents? This coach search is becoming downright embarrassing!