Chapter 3: Being a Great Wife

This chapter stepped all over my toes. From page 33:

“It doesn’t take a wonder woman to create this inviting atmosphere for her husband. It doesn’t require your perfect performance. It does take a willing woman who has her priorities in order. This is important enough to repeat: It’s about keeping priorities in order.”

I don’t remember when I did this, but I remember doing this a long time ago. I asked Karl, “What are the things I need to do to make our home a haven for you?” He doesn’t require much. He said he likes the den to be cleaned up so he has a decent place to relax at the end of the day. He likes to know dinner is done or in the works. He likes to know he has clean clothes. Those are three things I can do to take care of him.

I can look around the house around 4:30 in the afternoon and know whether or not he’s going to be happy when he gets home. And sometimes I have to run around straightening up here and there so he isn’t stressed out by the sight of things. But it’s like Plowman says, “It doesn’t take wonder woman. It takes a woman with her priorities in order.”

Are my priorities in order? Hmmm. Well, it’s midnight. I stayed up late to read, load the dishwasher and run it, do one load of laundry, and write this blasted blog post. These are all things I could have done earlier in the day. Oh, wait. We homeschool. Still, I know I could do a better job of time management. If I were an effective time manager, I would be in bed now because I know that if I don’t get up on time, then the rest of the day is off. But here I am. And I’m not all that sleepy. (sigh)

This post is getting way off track. What else does Plowman say about being a great wife? She interviewed a bunch of men to find out what special things their wives do that they really appreciate. Thirty percent of the men said they want to see their wives SMILE. I can do that. Karl’s white car driving up is the highlight of most of my days. I am always glad when he is home. However, it hasn’t always been this way. I can easily recall times when the thought of him made me angry. For some reason, I spent most of 2000 mad at him about something. He could not do anything right, in my opinion. I’m not sure if anything specific happened to change my attitude. Benjamin was born. Maybe it was hormonal. (oh, wouldn’t it be nice to blame all our sin on hormones!) Those days with babies are kind of blur now. All I know is that somewhere along the way God has helped me to appreciate, love, and respect my husband more than I used to.

One thing I have learned over the years is that his arrival is NOT my time to punch out on the clock. I used to do that. “OK. I’ve been doing this all day. Now it’s your turn.” I became convicted about my attitude in that regard a couple of years ago. God has really helped me to understand that the home and children are my primary responsibilities. Karl is a great dad, but my daily death doesn’t stop when he gets home. I get to die some more and figure out how he needs me to serve him now that he’s home. So, what does Plowman say to us wives when we feel like we “need a haven, too”?

“You absolutely can’t do it in your own strength. You can never be strong enough, smart enough, resourceful enough. Putting others first just doesn’t come naturally. Laying aside what you want, to serve another with grace and contentment–that is what God calls you to.”

I do get seriously tired of all the housework, though. Seriously. Every.day.it’s.the.same.thing.same.thing.same.thing. And by the time the weekend rolls around, I let it go. This is not good. I really need to develop some endurance in the housekeeping department. And, by God’s grace, I will.

“You can do it only when you rely on the strength that Christ works in you, the love that he supplies, and the perseverance that the Holy Spirit provides.” pg.40

Some other things Plowman learned from the men she interviewed is that some men appreciate love notes and encouragement, support and r-e-s-p-e-c-t. The last thing I want to mention is conflict resolution. Plowman doesn’t go into all the details for how to resolve conflict with a spouse, but she does say that it is just as important to men as it is to women.

I know how NOT to resolve conflict. I grew up in a home where my mom wanted to talk everything out, share feelings, and get it all out in the open. My dad wanted to keep the peace by pretending like nothing was wrong. It didn’t work out so well for them.

Karl and I are both talkers. I’ve been sitting here for four minutes trying to think of our last conflict and how we resolved it, but I honestly can’t think of anything. I think at this stage in our family life, we see each other as on the same team more than we ever have. By that I mean, some days it’s us against them (the kids). And we’re outnumbered! Some nights, as we’re sitting across from one another at the table, and the food is flying around the kitchen, our eyes will lock and without saying a word we know we’re thinking the same thing: “Where did these little people come from and how long til bedtime? If we don’t help each other, then we’re not going to make it for the next two and a half hours.” Our solidarity is one key to our happiness, I think.

OK…so I’m not a “great” wife with her priorities all in order. I have a terrible bent toward laziness that I am committed to having Jesus work out of me. I believe that if I’m breathing, then God is at work in me. With each day that passes I trust that I’m being conformed more and more into His image. Rather than despair, I have hope!

Lord, pour out your grace on us wives today to be the best wives we can be for your glory. Help us not to lose heart. Amen.