Dear Me 1992,

You are the half-way point of our life, LJ, and I’m thinking about you on our birthday. You did a fantastic performance on your learner’s permit exam today! Mom is going to let you drive to the dinner party at The Landing and you’re going to really scare her at the intersection of McFarland and Skyland, but just laugh it off. It won’t be the first time something like that happens. OH, and showing off for your boyfriend while you’re driving is really stupid. Despite what you think, you look absolutely ridiculous. The party is lots of fun…the whole family will be there and you’re going to feel adventurous and have escargot for the first (and last) time. Really, child, once is enough.

PawPaw goes all out and treats you like a princess tonight. Enjoy it. Make sure to tell him thank you and give him a big hug. He’ll only be around for three more years. So, when he wants to hold your hand and look at you for a long moment, it may feel awkward, but you need to let him look and squeeze your hand. His memory isn’t so good. He knows this, but he won’t admit it. In another year and a half, he won’t remember you at all. A few months after you turn 18, he’ll be gone.

Daddy loves you. I know you don’t really think so, but many of the things Mom is telling you are not true. Despite what she says, it is wrong for you to shut him out of your life. These next few months are critical. You must guard your heart. You are putting up walls in all the wrong places. Your worth does not lie in your ability to garner a boy’s affections. I know that you already say that you believe this, but your actions betray you. Your decisions the next couple of years cause pain for a lot of people. Though you will wish you were dead, you will survive. There are hard lessons you must learn. I’m writing in 2007, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t revisit those painful lessons and thank God for them. By the way, He’s there–cataloging every tear, every prayer and plea, every sin, and every moment your heart turns back to Him. And one day Dad is going to show up and do his best to make amends. He has so much he wants to say, so let him finish. I’m actually looking forward to hearing from him today, if you can believe it!

I need to wrap this up before the kids start heading for the kitchen. Yes, kids. Four of them actually. And I homeschool them. So, yeah, all that stuff you’ve been thinking about becoming a lawyer because you’re so good at arguing doesn’t happen. Don’t worry, we still argue and defend our various positions. There is a really tall fella (you haven’t met him yet) who meets his match in you and he’s immediately smitten. Apparently he loves a woman who doesn’t back down from an argument. So, when he says something you disagree with, just go with it. He’s going to pledge his undying love to you after just three dates and declare that he will marry you. You laugh in his face, tell him he’s crazy, and spend the next few years trying to prove him wrong. As usual, he’s right. This is his favorite “I told you so” memory. Listen, he’s not perfect, but God uses him to heal your shattered little heart.

One more thing before I close this out…you cannot mess up God’s plan. You have got to get this through your thick head!! So much of what you do is out of fear. God is doing all He can to help you trust Him. And you will because it’s all part of His plan. You cannot mess it up. So, for the next fifteen years you work on living by faith, I’ll work on living in God’s grace, and, Lord willing, when we’re 45 I’ll write to me again. Happy birthday, lj.

No regrets,
You 2007