Thomas Watson wrote a little book called The Doctrine of Repentance. He says that there are six “special ingredients” in repentance:

1. Sight of sin
2. Sorrow for sin
3. Confession of sin
4. Shame for sin
5. Hatred for sin
6. Turning from sin

He goes into great detail, putting flesh on each point, as he defines biblical repentance. I won’t reprint the book for you here. I just need to process/deposit what I’ve been thinking through the last few weeks. So, get ready for some stream-of-conscious type reading. Feel free to provide feedback.

I don’t struggle so much with ingredients 1-4. I can see most of my sins. I’ll not say that I have a good view of all my sin that God finds offensive. He is holy and I am not, therefore, I am sure there are things that I tolerate and even applaud that He would not. I know that as I grow in sanctification, my sensitivity to sin and the Spirit’s conviction will increase, but right now I’m probably pretty dull.

I do feel sorrow over my sin. Well, if not full sorrow, as Watson defines it, then I definitely feel frustration with myself for not doing better. Then, some days, I realize that I need to ask God to help me feel His kind of sorrow over my sin. But that doesn’t always come immediately. Perhaps because I do not spend enough time meditating on Jesus, His perfections, and His suffering in my place. Or meditating on the holiness of God. If I did more of that, perhaps I would feel greater sorrow over my sin.

The confession part is easy. And maybe the fact that I can type that last sentence means that I don’t accurately understand confession. I can say it and agree with God that something is a sin.

Shame? Easy.

Steps 5 and 6, however, are more difficult. I find that my hatred for my sin is not strong enough, which, in turn, slows my turning from sin.

Towards the end of the book, he wrote a chapter entitled, “The Removing of the Impediments to Repentance.” He lists 10 attitudes, beliefs, etc., that he considers impediments to repentance. They are:

1. Men do not apprehend that they need repentance.
2. People conceive it an easy thing to repent.
3. Presuming thoughts of God’s mercy
4. A supine sluggish temper
5. The tickling pleasure of sin: ‘who had pleasure in unrighteousness’ (2 Thess. 2:12) “The danger does not terrify him as much as the delight bewitches him.”
6. An opinion that repentance will take away our joy
7. Despondency of mind
8. Hope of impunity
9. Fear of reproach
10. Immoderate love of the world

I think many of these can be lumped under FEAR THE LORD. I’m not talking being scared, although it wouldn’t hurt. I’m talking about a healthy, reverent, awe-filled fear of God. So what is it I genuinely fear? Other people and their opinions? The possibility of not feeling secure? A life without any “fun?” A life full of pain? Facing difficulty/hardship? It could be any number of things.

Repentance is right because God commands it. I find myself needing/lacking the godly sorrow that will bring true repentance. I lack the hatred for sin that I think pleases God. Though other believers rarely discuss this (we confess our good habits far more than we confess our faults), I do not think I am alone in the desire for sorrow and a genuine turning from sin. When I take the time to really consider my sin, I find that there isn’t one that I don’t have to fight. Sure, I can obey the letter of the law, but it’s the spirit of the law that I repeatedly fail to obey. This understanding only adds one more thing I have to fight: #4 on the previous list, sluggishness. I have to fight thinking, “Oh, well. This is too hard. I give up.”

And at the same time, I am happy, joyful, busy doing what I’m supposed to do. Doing good and desiring to do good, but sin is always with me. And Romans 6-8 has come to mind. So, now I’ve written myself to the point of remembering that God’s grace is ever-present and that He will grant the sorrow and repentance that I need. He will finish what He started. Those He calls, He glorifies. Thanks for reading.