by Cynthia Tobias
I am reading this book for Discerning Reader. I’ve only read 20 pages, but Tobias has already got me asking myself some questions. I want to find out what other women think. I have some polls in the sidebar. Here’s what I want to know:
- Would you call yourself a strong-willed woman?
- Do you view the possession of a strong-will as a positive or negative characteristic?
- Do you feel like your strong-will hinders or enhances your walk with Jesus?
- Do you believe a woman has to give up her strong-will in order to follow Christ?
- Strong-willed women have a more difficult time fitting in with the rest of the women at church. Agree or disagree.
Please only answer if you are a woman. Also, if you are so inclined, I’d appreciate it if you’d send your readers to this post so that I could have a very large number of responses.
We’ll review the results on Monday. I should have a review for the book by then, too. In the meantime, let’s discuss this idea:
There are so many strong-willed women whose hearts and souls long to know Christ but whose self-sufficient natures won’t even consider the possibility of surrendering their hard-won independence. These are women who can and will change the world–one way or another–and it’s never been more important to find a way to recognize and validate their worth in the kingdom of God.
Who wants to go first?
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Leslie Wiggins 
22 responses to “Redefining the Strong-Willed Woman”
I read “You Can’t Make Me (but I can be persuaded)” by Cynthia Tobias a few years ago and it really helped me with my daughter. This book sounds interesting. Does she define “strong willed woman?” I’m not sure how to answer without clarifying the term. Strong willed may mean different things to different people. (Like my post yesterday featuring Anita Renfroe) 🙂 (http://pragmaticcompendium.wordpress.com/
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Well, like I said, I’ve only read a little bit. But I’ve done a cursory search for how she defines “strong-willed woman,” and can’t find one. She builds her definition over several chapters, discussing what it is and what it isn’t, but I can’t find a one sentence definition for it. I’d like it if you just answer the questions according to your definition of a strong will.
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Wow, what an interesting list of questions, thought provoking to be sure. I’ll be interested to hear your (and Tobias’) observations.
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OOOoh what an interesting topic for discussion!!! I consider myself strong-willed in the sense that I can be assertive and firm in my beliefs. I also attended a church where the pastor insisted that other women found me intimidating…though the women I asked thought that was funny. I think the difficulty is not so much surrendering to Christ, it is finding a place to use one’s gifts in the church. Is there a place for a strong-willed woman to serve – especially in a complimentarian context. This can be difficult one to work out. I think that can make having a stong will as a woman seem negative but in the right context can actually be very positive. It is a personality type that is God-given and we need to be careful to not define a personility type as sinful or needing to change. I’ll post a link in the next day or so…I think you may have given me some good blogging material =D Looking forward to your review!
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I came here from Lisa Writes. I think the second question cannot be answered strictly yes or no. Every characteristic, even being strong-willed, has a negative side and a positive side. There are benefits and hinderances to each one. I always say… “do you want to use your “x” (could be strong-willed personality – or your ability to do math in your head) for good or evil?
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Thanks for pointing that out, Anita! Excellent observation. Tobias discusses that in her book. Unfortunately, we don’t think that way all of the time.
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I’ve submitted my strong will (according to my definition) to be polled. It was difficult though because I wanted to clarify and qualify each answer. Hmmmm…guess you’ll know how my answers came out then. I think this is a great topic and look forward to your review.
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I’m of the ‘strong’ opinion that we’re all strong-willed, meaning we all want the things that are important to us to go our way, and we work diligently toward that end. We may finagle, manipulate, sweet-talk or demand, but to the degree that we have not “laid down our lives” for Christ and for each other, we will pursue self will. And that is always strong. On the other hand, we can strongly ‘set our face like a flint’ as Jesus did with the determination of following closely after Him in love and obedience and service. I look at that as strong, but not willful.I’ve not read any of Tobias’ books and don’t have a clue about her premise. It certainly sounds like an interesting discussion though, and I look forward to your review, Leslie.
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I would say I have a strong will. But I think ANY will can not be so strong that it is not willing to bend its knee before Christ. If it’s THAT strong, then it’s a problem.
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I am more than enticed by this subject. I work in ministry with young girls ranging in ages 16-20. I see, too often, they believe in order to follow Christ…they must lose their sense of confidence, determination at life, and even strengths God has given them. I see this as a direct result from the confusing message the feminist movement gives them and all women. It leads us to believe that fully embracing womanhood is weak, restrictive, and lowering our value to the world. In the end, the movement which stives to protect women as merely confused women. Biblical feminism is quiet strength, beauty with courage, and determination with control. I consider myself a strong-willed woman, but not to the world’s standards. I fully believe to embrace biblical womanhood requires no woman to sacrifice or ignore strengths and giftings that God has given her. We only need to surrender these at His feet and beg at how He wills us to use them for His glory. It’s a sad sight for me to see a young woman turn away from Jesus because she believes her spirit does not ‘fit’. May God use your poll and thoughts toward this discussion in great ways. You may find this interesting: http://www.cbmw.org/Blog/Posts/Confessions-of-a-Recovering-Feminist
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I believe the term “strong willed woman” was first coined by men… men who are threatened by women having powerful and meaningful opinions and voices. I think it’s about the whole “submission” thing.In the Old Testament, women had very important positions in the Temple. Their opinions and voices were respected by men. Only later on, after Jesus came and died and arose and ascended, did women begin to be forced to take a “back seat” and it’s gone downhill from there ever since.If you study history, patriarchy has had a big influence and has made the term “strong willed woman” into something dirty and to be avoided. Strong willed woman does not mean “feminist” or “anti-Christian” or “lesbian” or anything else. I am a strong willed woman in the Lord… and am proud of it… because He made me that way.God bless~ Pearl
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Wow, lot’s of strong opinions on this topic. This is great!!Pearl, God did make some of us with very strong wills. And we have to use them for Him somehow. Though I haven’t finished the book yet, I think that is the point Tobias wants to make. It’s definitely a different perspective.
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I’ll be responding to this, but I thought I’d throw an idea out there. Last night, I asked my husband all these questions (about me, obviously). I know it’s not what Leslie needs, but it made for some interesting husband/wife conversation. And he didn’t even get in trouble! 🙂
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Leslie, I posted a link to your poll on my blog. Hope you get a few more responses. (I don’t know how to track back from WordPress to Blogger.)
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I don’t have time to read all the comments carefully, but I think it depends. I’m not strong-willed, but sometimes I wish I was, because I think it would make it easier for me to speak boldly for Christ.I have a good friend whose sister is strong-willed. She says it’s a good think that she’s a Christian, because she would hate to see all that passion channeled into the wrong things.So, I think if a women is able to submit her strong-willed personality to God’s purposes, He can use her to do great things to further His kingdom.
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This topic is really giving me pause. I would have always considered myself strong-willed, but God has really been teaching me alot about submission this past year. I guess I am learning to reconcile these ideas and how they co-exist.
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I finally got my thoughts down. I decided to make it a post at my blog becasue it was way to long for a comment:O)Come over for a visit.
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I have always taken pride in being a VERY strong willed woman. I had the feeling for years that I could do anything a man could do and no man could tell me otherwise.I have now come to realize what a detriment this lie was to me and my girls and yes, I strongly think it hinders your walk with Christ. We must submit to Christ’s will alone and not our own. We were created to glorify Him and not ourselves. the book “Created to Be His Help Meet”, by Debi Pearl helped me to realize the sin behind my thoughts. I still struggle with this, but praise God for His grace, He helps me overcome.Sophia
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I responded in your sidebar, but also posted my responses and reasonings in my own blog. If you are interested and have any time, check it out. I linked back to you again as well. Thanks for such a thought provoking post!
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It’s me again. I decided to post my answers to the poll questions on my blog. I could just do one word responses. Reveal much about me :o)I have really enjoyed putting my thoughts down on all this. Looking forward to the review!
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meant to say “I couldn’t give one word answers.”
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Would you call yourself a strong-willed woman?yes, i would. it takes a strong will to get out of bed every morning, change a diaper, nurse a baby, bathe three toddlers, make breakfast, get my 14 yo out of bed, all while people are dancing around with things they want to distract me with :)Do you view the possession of a strong-will as a positive or negative characteristic?honestly, i haven't always thought of it as a good thing – and my teachers in school certainly did not. Even in college, one professor told me "We need to break your will!" (Eek!) – but one day i was talking to my friend and he rephrased it and said "that's not strong will, that's passion." And i think he's right. I am a passionate person, and i will work hard to try to conform the world to what i know to be right, as much as i am able.Do you feel like your strong-will hinders or enhances your walk with Jesus?He MADE me like this – and i believe it gives Him pleasure to see me working whole heartedly, caring about the things He has given me to care about…Do you believe a woman has to give up her strong-will in order to follow Christ?No 🙂 I believe He uses all of us in the way He has made us. He made some quiet, some loud, some musical, some thoughtful, some artistic – none of those are bad things, not all of us have those gifts, but a strong will is definitely a gift from God.Strong-willed women have a more difficult time fitting in with the rest of the women at church. Agree or disagree.I think we tend to talk too much and steam roller other people. There can be a lack of empathy especially about causes that are sources of deep passion (for me, pro life advocacy is one of those areas). But God has given us into His body to not only play our own role, but to encourage each other, and to have the sharp edges smoothed off, and He has brought wonderful people into my life (and i bet into yours, too)to help me learn the things i need to learn (and continues to do this, out of His great and overwhelming love for me)
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