This week we turn to Chapter 5 of The Excellent Wife. Before I get started, though, I need to announce the winner of Do Hard Things by the Alex and Brett Harris and the reading group bookmarklet. Drum roll, please.
Melissa at Breath of Life! I know she’ll be excited since she has been on a self-imposed book fast for 2008. My heart hurts just thinking about not buying a book for a solid year. Please email me your address, Melissa, and I’ll have your copy of Do Hard Things with a bookmarklet on the way to you in the next week.
Summary
God has more than one purpose for marriage. In addition to populating the earth, companionship, a visible picture of Christ and the Church, to name a few, God’s purpose for marriage includes oneness and our growth in godliness. According to Martha Peace, marital oneness and spiritual growth works through four ways:
- Faithful prayer for your marriage.
- Commitment to obey God’s Word.
- Take responsibility for your sin and repent.
- Submit to and participate in the process of mutual sanctification.
The bulk of the chapter is spent explaining the process of mutual sanctification. Mutual sanctification in marriage is defined as the biblical process of helping each other become as much like the Lord Jesus Christ as possible. To make the most of this process, it is imperative for a wife to learn how to biblically receive and give a reproof. A biblical reproof happens when you tell someone (or someone tells you) what they’re doing wrong with the intent to restore them to a right relationship with God. Peace offers six ways to biblically respond to a reproof and five ways to give a biblical reproof to your husband.
My Thoughts
I have so many personal experiences with this I really do not know where to begin. This chapter is one that is very practical, and one that needs to be flagged so that it’s easy to find.
I can’t say that I’ve ever given a good reproof. I go back and forth between being too vague on one end and being unkind on the other. Maybe I’ve done it right a couple of times, but this process has not become a discipline of our marriage. The times we have gotten it right, however, Karl almost always humbles himself and makes things right. For me, it is sometimes easier to receive a rebuke from anyone besides my husband, especially when the rebuke seems to be more for his own comfort than my growth in godliness. I said “seems to be.” I’m a sinner and a lot of times I see the situation wrongly. I am still responsible to respond in a way that honors God, though. Peace writes, “Make glorifying God your dearest heart’s desire. If you have to suffer some humiliation in the process, you’ll just have to suffer the humiliation. It will be uncomfortable, even painful for the moment; but if you learn from God’s pruning, afterwards you will bear fruit for Him (John 15).” Been there, done that, still fit the t-shirt.
I chuckled to myself as she explained how wives need to choose the right time to rebuke their husbands.
The wrong times are when you are in front of others, when you have a sinful attitude, or when he cannot give you his undivided attention. The right times are when you are alone together, feeling well and rested, there is plenty of time to talk, and you are in control of yourself and reliant upon the Holy Spirit and God’s Word for directing your thoughts and actions.
This ideal situation rarely comes along at this stage in our lives. I guess we just need to do our best and trust God with the rest. (Is that a common Christian cliche yet? If not, it should be on a bumper sticker). But seriously, if I want to see my husband grow in godliness, if I want to grow, then we will serve and submit to one another in this way of mutual sanctification. In doing so, we will love and honor one another and glorify our Father.
Your Turn
I really look forward to reading what you have to say about this chapter. It does not contain an easy message.
Next week, we’ll move on to Chapter 6, “A Wife’s Understanding of Her Role: God’s Perfect Plan.”
Women who’ve written posts for this chapter:
- Rebekah at Sweet Tea with Lemon
- Lisa at Blessed
- Shawnda at Spirit of Adoption
- Sifted Heart at His Household
- Adzele at Journey with God
- Tonia at The Sunny Patch
Related posts:
Keep reading! Click for Chapter 6.
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Leslie Wiggins 
10 responses to “God’s Purpose for Marriage”
I’m headed to my Bible study this morning and the topic is submission. That’s a hard one for me but I know it’s God’s way and not man’s way! So I’m asking God to put that head knowledge into my heart…Blessings…
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Good stuff, Leslie! I had SO much I wanted to say, so I didn’t even get to address giving reproof!! : ) I’m so glad you did! I’m with you on that – I don’t think I’ve ever given my husband a “good” reproof! He’s so humble and receptive and quick to seek forgiveness, that I just don’t have to think too much about how I give my thoughts to him! I need to think more on this! ; )
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I agree with you about giving reproof. I’m not sure I’ve ever done it correctly, either, and I appreciated the very practical nature of Peace’s advice there. I didn’t get to that in my post, either, like Shawnda I had other things I needed to address, so I, too, am glad you did!
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My thoughts from Chapter 4 somehow didn’t get posted last week; I must’ve hit the “preview” option & never followed through with posting it! Anyways, after reviewing the chapter again, I have never “heard” the Trinity used as a model for human relationships, though I guess it could be & it does seem to work with Peace’s efforts at trying to explain the concept of oneness.My husband & I recently attended a FamilyLife Marriage Conference, which I highly recommend to all married couples at some point in their life together, & oneness was naturally the “goal” talked of throughout the weekend. That marriage is a journey, not a destination. That God should be at the “top of the triangle”, with both husband & wife individually seeking God, which in turn draws them closer to Him as well as to each other.Regarding the Characteristics listed on pg. 29, I marked 4 of them that I currently “subscribe to” – sadly. Another statement from the conference that I “took home” with me was that “Selfishness robs the relationship of romance.” Thus, #5 – self-seeking – hit home with me & is something I’m trying very hard to change to: Love – sacrificial actions for the other.My favorite statement in Chapter 4 is: “God wants us to stop living for ourselves, to stop destroying relationships, & to start living for Him.”Amen! Now, on to Chapter 5!I’ve only read through this chapter once & I found myself not quite “connected” to it at the end for some reason. So, I have comments on certain points, but I think I’m finding this process to be a quite a struggle; moving the information from my head that I’m learning & actually making efforts to DOING it.Hence, the top paragraph on page 34 sums up my struggle quite nicely – making the effort to STOP my usual responses, attitudes, behaviors & to START responding like the woman God is making me to be, to change my attitude to one that is pleasing to Christ, to act the model that I want my son to see as a wife who loves her husband, respects her husband. And that will ultimately glorify God.Regarding reproofs, this was all very humbling. “It is never pleasant to realize that other people see you as less than perfect.” OUCH!! Again, something to work on.Let’s just say I need to read & re-read this chapter a few more times.
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Good Morning Leslie, I’ll be posting my comments on Sunday evening or Monday morning. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Linda
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Leslie,I laughed also when I read about setting the stage for giving reproof. That situation happens so little of the time with a 1 and 2-year old.A theme I’m sensing is that our marriages need to glorify God…important!
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Morning All, my post is up. Looking forward to reading all of yours. Lindahttp://hishousehold.blogspot.com/2008/04/lux-venit-reading-group.html
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Finally, sorry for the delay, we celebrated my Son’s birthday this weekend, with overnights guests and a party; busy but fun. I am really glad that Peace gave us some practical tools especially on how to reproof…you know, one of the worst thing we can do is to reproof our husband in public OUCH, whether family, kids, or friends…that is a big NO NO…I’ve done it before and NO, I did not do that this weekend…(at least I don’t think so)…in all seriousness on the road to getting it right, we should do our best to hold our tongue until we find a private moment. My post is up, and I am looking forward to getting to everyone else.
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This book gives such practical advice! This was a good chapter – I think I need to re-read it to try and absorb all of it.
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Thank You Leslie, you are right…this is a chapter that needs to be “Flagged” and gone back to over and over again. Linda
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