Karl and I always have our noses in a book. We read separately and we read to each other. I mentioned in a previous post that I had received a box of books for review. The box contained the two most recent John Piper books, Suffering and the Sovereignty of God and What Jesus Demands from the World, Redemptive Suffering by Leslie Montgomery, and How to Pray for Your Wife by Mark A. Weathers. I’m looking forward to comparing the two books on suffering. Piper’s book on suffering is based on the talks given at the 2005 Desiring God conference, and includes chapters by Mark Talbot, John Piper, Stephen F. Saint, Carl F. Ellis, Jr., David Powlison, Dustin Shramek, and Joni Eareckson Tada. The appendices includes “Don’t Waste Your Cancer” (by Piper and Powlison) and an interview with John Piper conducted by Justin Taylor. This is, perhaps, the best work on suffering I’ve ever read. It is weighty! The testimonies are honest. The pain these individuals live with is not glossed over like it doesn’t matter because “God is good.” My official review will come later, but I mention it because I read the interview to Karl while on our way to the concert last Wednesday night.
The final question from Justing Taylor reads, “What are you doing in your own life to prepare for suffering and death? And how do you counsel all of us here to prepare for suffering and death–whether we’re in the final chapters of life or young people not knowing when the Lord will take us or what he will give us? How do you prepare for suffering and death?”
Piper has many wonderful things to say to answer this question, but the part of his answer that I want to mention today is this: “The list of ways to prepare ourselves to suffer well goes on and on…We are all vulnerable to drifting away from the living Christ if we don’t have people in our lives getting in our face to tell us the truth about God when we can’t see the truth, especially the truth that’s uncomfortable to us.”
Why don’t we do this? Are we afraid of hurting feelings? Are we at a loss for words? Do we not know the truth ourselves? Do we just assume that our friends know better? I know that at my lowest point, up to my eyeballs in open sin, no one came to me and said, “What are you thinking?! You are ruining your life! Do you know what the Bible says about your way of life? Let me share something with you…” Or, “I know your situation looks really bleak, but let me share some scripture with you.”
I guess you can only do this with certain people. I don’t, and can’t, have a relationship like that with everyone, but I must have one or two people in my life who can speak the uncomfortable truths to me when I’m “vulnerable to drifing away.” I have tried to cultivate relationships like this with other women for years, but I have not met one who can do this. Most of the time, when I share with a woman a struggle I am having, rather than sharing an uncomfortable truth, she will pat me on the back and tell me she understands. For example, I shared with a small group of women that I would like for them to pray for me to fight idleness in my life. My reading of the scriptures tell me that idleness is evil. Well, these ladies told me, “you need to relax. You have four children and there are going to be days that you don’t get anything done.” In no way did I imply that my biggest problem was that I didn’t get anything done. In no way did I mean that I was tired all day. I opened myself up and shared a struggle with sin and all I got was “relax.”
Why do so many people relax in the face of sin? Is it because we think we’re doing pretty good? Laziness isn’t that bad? Do we care so little for one another? Is it because God is not seen as holy? Do we have such a low view of God? One day we are going to find out differently and wish we had been more serious about one another and our sanctification. I need a friend who isn’t afraid to get in my face with uncomfortable truths and help me on my way to Heaven.
Who’s helping you? What are your thoughts?
Ads
Leslie Wiggins 
11 responses to “In My Face”
I listened to that series from that Desiring God conference. I can’t wait to get the book. I know what you mean, I want that too. Well, on the surface, I like it when people agree with me, but deep down, I want to know the truth and I want to be called out. It is rare to find that in someone.
LikeLike
Thanks for mentioning Piper’s book. Suffering is something I’ve done some reading about in the past year or so as I struggle with my problems with chronic pain. My mother is also chronically ill and I know she appreciates reading books from people who have “been there” and are honest about the pain and struggles. I think I may get a copy of this one and then pass it along.I can relate to what you are saying about idleness. Sure, sometimes I’m tired and need to rest, but there are *often* times when I just want to be lazy and do nothing. In other words, waste my time because I don’t want to work. I’ve been feeling a little convicted about that lately, so thanks for being so honest 🙂
LikeLike
Our Sunday School class spent the first half of the year doing the Precept study “Living Victoriously in Difficult Times”. I think I am more ready for suffering now than I was then, but I just don’t know and probably won’t until the time comes. I also completely agree with needing (I mean we NEED) a friend, mentor, sister that will admonish us when we need correction. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. I think we women fear doing this with each other because we might lose the friend if we are honest about sin. Not only the sin in our own lives but the sin in their lives. You did the right thing by sharing your concerns about your own sin. It’s a start and maybe someone will rise up when they see your honesty.
LikeLike
I think sometimes we care more about the friendship than the friend. Women often just want to support each other and fail to call sin, sin.
LikeLike
Thanks for mentioning Piper’s book. I look forward to hearing more.I have had a Titus 2 type relationship w/one of our pastor’s wives for about 4 years now. She is the type of woman you described. She doesn’t sugar coat things and has on several occasions challenged me and/or called me out on an area in my life that needed to be. She calls sin, sin. I have appreciated her so much. I definitely think that we need to be more this way, especially with our close friends.I pray that you will be able to find someone that will do this for you as well.
LikeLike
Amy–don’t hesitate to get this book for you and your mom. There are two chapters written by individuals who are living with paralysis. Those are a couple of my favorite chapters. Very honest and inspiring.You said, “In other words, waste my time because I don’t want to work.” Right now my prayer is that God would give me the gift of pleasure in all my toil (Ecclesiastes 3:13). I just am not enjoying my work and I have avoided it for the last week (not good in a house this full). And, dare I say it before all you mothers, today I did not enjoy being a mommy. The G-U-I-L-T just keeps piling. Wendy–how did you develop this relationship? How do you maintain it so that you don’t burn out on one another?Renee and Kelly–I think you’re right. Add to that the fear that our confidant may not be so tight lipped with our confessions.4L
LikeLike
I am definitely going to read this book by Piper…Leslie, Night is definitely worth reading, it is not an easy read by any means but very necessary. Also interesting is the foreward and the preface in the new edition.
LikeLike
Leslie, have you found -yourself- able to apply biblical correction to any of the ladies that you have sought an accountable friendship with? Maybe the Lord is asking you to make that first move. It is a frightening proposition (as Kelly mentioned) to potentially put a *friendship* in jeopardy by being biblically honest about sin, even though it is the truest form of love for the friend. I have been blessed with an accountable friendship but it has taken time and tears and the a whole lot of humble pie. I’ve welcomed you to VA before so the invitation stands. We would love to beat you with a wet noodle any ol’ day (kidding). From your honesty through your blog and your earnest seeking of the complete truth, it would seem like there may be opportunities and maybe even just being as honest as you have been with us about needing a sister who will call sin out and not condone the confession. That alone is convicting and may rub some the wrong way. Hang in there sister!
LikeLike
Been reading your blog lately and enjoying it. I haven’t read Piper’s book but heard of it. We as a family have been through some challenging things in the last few years and your comment about people calling you on sin was interesting. My desire is to find people who can tell me the truth as well as encourage and acknowledge the difficulty. I have found people either gloss over sin as you pointed out or nail you will it. I’d like to see the acknowledgment and confession of sin coated in grace.
LikeLike
Mrs. M, you make a good point. The person has to be one who understands that life, good or bad, doesn’t happen apart from God’s grace. I don’t desire a Pharisee-friend who is ready and eager to point out my sin and failures. I desire a relationship with someone who loves me and is zealous for my sanctification, who will speak grace and truth. I should mention that after I read the interview to Karl, he promised to stay in my face as long as I promised to stay in his. If there is any one person I am eager to see enjoying God for eternity it is my husband. My husband is someone who knows everything about me, loves me steadfastly, and wants me to be full of joy in my relationship with God. He doesn’t want to “nail” me when he points out a sin, he wants to encourage me and remind me of God’s grace. Maybe I don’t need a female friend to fill this role. I certainly have been told that it is necessary for a woman to have another woman who would be her accountability partner. Is this necessary when you have a husband? Is there a problem with having this kind of relationship with your husband?
LikeLike
No
LikeLike