I have so many things I’d like to write about right now, but my brain is mush.
Honestly, much of what I’ve written lately in one of my many spiral notebooks is not fit for public consumption. People in my family are making me feel sick and I didn’t want to vomit all over my blog.
I’m going to share a little bit because many of you have been reading here for two years (!). I feel a little like I owe you something for not writing anything for about 5 days.
For several reasons, my mom decided she would rather die than live another minute on this earth. She tried to take her own life Sunday afternoon. She is getting help, however, she has yet to fully come to grips with her problems. [Please don’t read this and think, Oh, you poor thing. This did not come as a surprise; I have not been shaken by this. I am sad for her, but there isn’t anything she can do to hurt me anymore. Pray for my mom; she needs help.]
A relative of ours has decided that he doesn’t want to fight for his marriage. I sat before him Monday afternoon, pleaded with him not to follow through with his plans, but when I looked into his eyes…well, I just don’t know how to describe them. It is a heart-breaking situation. Please pray for God to change hearts and minds.
I’m not quite sure why I feel so strongly about divorce. I hate it. I watched my parents give up. I have seen what it does to children. I know how it changed me. During my college years, studying families and children, I made myself a promise to do what I could to help husbands and wives stay together. I still harbor a desire to further my education and counsel women and couples. I’m just foolish enough to think that the gospel can make everything right. Not just as a verbiage band-aid we slap on our problems, but because it IS THE POWER OF GOD TO MAKE PEOPLE NEW.
There is much to learn from these two situations. One lesson I’m gleaning so far is that there is no such thing as dabbling in sin. Sin seeks to master and destroy. Put it off!
When I finally made it home I had time to think on all the suffering we face as a result of sin. God is well within his rights to wash his hands and destroy us all. Rather than pour his wrath on us, he poured it on Jesus, the only one who didn’t deserve it. He desires to be merciful and compassionate. He longs to pour out his grace on His children. And He made it possible when he sent his son to die for sinners.
And I found myself asking for more of that grace, more of His wisdom, to keep me on the narrow way. Without His protection, I do not doubt my ability to live in deep depravity. Were it not for his grace, I would be locked away in a hospital or on an airplane to meet my lover. I am thankful for His grace that keeps me and will not ever let me go.
This morning’s scripture reading included the following chapter from Proverbs. God is so good to instruct us through his word.
My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;
yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
guarding the paths of justice
and watching over the way of his saints.
Then you will understand righteousness and justice
and equity, every good path;
for wisdom will come into your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
discretion will watch over you,
understanding will guard you,
delivering you from the way of evil,
from men of perverted speech,
who forsake the paths of uprightness
to walk in the ways of darkness,
who rejoice in doing evil
and delight in the perverseness of evil,
men whose paths are crooked,
and who are devious in their ways.
So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman,
from the adulteress with her smooth words,
who forsakes the companion of her youth
and forgets the covenant of her God;
for her house sinks down to death,
and her paths to the departed;
none who go to her come back,
nor do they regain the paths of life.
So you will walk in the way of the good
and keep to the paths of the righteous.
For the upright will inhabit the land,
and those with integrity will remain in it,
but the wicked will be cut off from the land,
and the treacherous will be rooted out of it.
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Leslie Wiggins 
15 responses to “Calling for Wisdom”
My husband and I have always said that death of a spouse would be easier to take than divorce. Sounds harsh but I think it’s true. The ripple effect from divorce seems to be never ending. Praying that God continues to give you His wisdom and grace as you live amongt your relatives and suffer because of their sin and I pray that He continues to shine His light into their lives through you.
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I have a friend who has been through divorce, more than once, and she says it is an experience worse than death.There but for the grace of God…Like ellen, I will pray that God will use you to testify to your family of His grace and goodness…
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Thank you for your honesty – am praying!
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I HATE, HATE, HATE divorce too – probably because I’m a child of it. There is loss all over it and I agree with Lisa, the death of a spouse would be easier.The Lord is faithful, I know he will give you the grace and wisdom you seek.Thanks for sharing the realities of your life.
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I’m just foolish enough to think that the gospel can make everything right.Yep, it’s the only thing that can make everything right.
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Leslie,So sorry to hear of what’s going on around you. I am a child of divorce myself, and have several family issues going on that are not much different than yours. I’m so thankful for the grace & mercy of God!Praying for you…
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Husband and I had a very similar conversation today about the choices our families have made. It was sober warning to us that every decision requires the wisdom and grace of God. Thanks for your honesty. May He hold you tightly and sustain you with His mercy.
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I will absolutely be praying for you mom. As a child of divorce, I know exactly what you are saying. I will be praying for that situation as well.So sorry to hear about all of this, even though sometimes it is not surprising, it still hurts.
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We are dealing with that same issue with a brother. It’s SO SO hard. I was in the middle (trying to help)and it became so incredibly draining because my desire was beyond theirs to save the marriage. It’s so messy now, so ugly, but most of all so deeply sad. I can’t do anything but He can. That’s where my hope is. (I’m not linking to this comment – just in case!!)
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Leslie,Please know that I love you and will pray for you! The gospel does have the power to change lives! Nothing is too hard for our Lord and Nothing, that is No Thing or No Person is beyond the grasp of His saving hand! I so empathize with you because my husband and I both deal with extended family things on both sides of our family that yes would make for some good “vomit”! I think it is a bit tougher to handle when it is all in your backyard.Press on my friend in the grace and mercy of the One Who Is Able to do MORE than we can think or imagine!!!
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Oh, I’m so sorry to hear this. Praying that God will give you the grace, patience, peace, wisdom and help that you need during this trying time.
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Without His protection, I do not doubt my ability to live in deep depravity. Were it not for his grace, I would be locked away in a hospital or on an airplane to meet my lover. I am thankful for His grace that keeps me and will not ever let me go.Amen.I will pray for your family.
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Oh dear sister. I hate to hear all of this – what sad, sad, sad news. I will be praying for your mom and your neighbors. I know the Lord is able!!! And may He give you grace and peace and rest IN HIM as you wait on Him!!!
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My heart is heavy for you.I agree, divorce is truly terrible. Two close female friends of mine have experienced the devastation of husbands who left, either literally or in essence (and ultimately both). By God’s grace, they were able to emerge from the wreckage and start over and God has blessed them both greatly! But the process feels like your insides are being torn apart, and I was only a bystander.So thankful we have a God who is faithful and has ordained everything to work for His supreme glory. Without Him, life indeed would not be worth living!
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I’m so sorry you and your family have to face this. Ellen b.’s prayer for you is mine as well.
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