Unknowns


My friend Molly tagged me for a meme. I’m supposed to list 7 unknown facts about myself. It’s much too difficult to think of 7 different things that I haven’t already shared on this blog, so I’m going share 7 things that I don’t even know about myself. You may wonder how it’s possible to share 7 things about me that are unknown even to myself, but I assure you it can be done.

Begin with a word or an idea or an event. Write. Discover a new thing about yourself.

Thanks to Molly, I’m going to uncover 7 things about myself tonight. This will be very stream-of-conscious. Here goes nothing!

1) Tuesday is coming to an end. I wish I had some new poetry to share, but I did not read any this past week.

Instead of poems, I picked up a bit of…hmmm, I’m not sure of the genre. I know it’s fiction, but I don’t know if I should classify it as fan fiction or science fiction. Library Science Fiction, maybe? I read The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde. The word play is fun, the premise is fun, the references to other classics is fun, but there isn’t anything particularly beautiful about the story or the language. It was just OK. I didn’t love it. I don’t know if I’ll read any more Thursday Next novels. If I just want to read something without using many CPUs, to simply feel my eyes tracking a page, then I might. But I genuinely long for a sentence that carries me away, a moving turn of phrase, bound beauty.

2) I’m tired. Karl is already snoring. He boasts about the invisible switch inside his brain. When he decides it is time for sleep, the eyelids move to the “off” position, and he is in dreamland. When he has need to be awake for long periods of time (those long weekends when it’s time for server upgrades and whatnot), then he can stay awake. I, on the other hand, must complete the routine. The routine can vary depending on the lateness of the hour, but it always includes reading and praying. I don’t always have to wash my face. I can sleep without moisturizing my hands and legs. I can even forget to brush my teeth. But I have to read and talk to God.

3) My favorite moment is after the kids are asleep, the house is quiet except for the hum of the dishwasher, and Karl and I are reading, propped against a mountain of pillows.

4) Life was almost sucked out of me earlier today in an hour-long battle of wills with one of my precious angel baby sweetie lamb chop sugar pie children. I won. Parenting is hard work. And today I earned every single one of those pennies that I’ll never see. I wore an immovable mask, but inside I questioned my every thought and word and begged God for help. Motherhood was so much easier when they were smaller and only spoke in mispronounced two-word phrases.

5) Sometimes I think I’d rather spend my time doing something else. Something that impresses others, something that brings with it a check that can be deposited in a real bank, something that doesn’t hurt as much, something that doesn’t mean the end of me…but no. I love my people.

6) My pastor says that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s selfishness. If that’s true, and I think it is, then I never even began to love until I reached that point of refusing to ask, “What about me?” I start loving others the moment I refuse to demand my “rights.” It is when I think I do not have anything left to give, but realize that denying myself yields more love. What is the most loving thing I can do at this moment? (Answer: end this post and go to bed.)

7) Strange noises outside send my imagination into fits and my heart to palpitating. I think the movement I heard at the door was one of our stupid cats, but, except for my home row fingers, I’m frozen. Will there be another “bump” in the night? YIKES! I’m going to jump under the covers and pretend I didn’t hear anything. (And maybe “accidentally” wake Karl in the process. Just kidding!)

If you’d like to do this meme, consider yourself tagged!!

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One thought on “Unknowns

  1. I’m sorry you had a battle of the wills. I totally related to that unknown about yourself. I never feel infallible as a parent but always as if I could have done something else that might have been better; I’m never really sure. It is so hard, and I have definitely thought many a time to how much easier it is when they’re just cute and sweet and smile and babble. I pray you have much grace for the good work of parenting today.

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